Night Terrors
by kate213
Summary: What kinds of demons haunt Abby's and Luka's sleep? Chapter 2 is up now.
1. Abby

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own ER, or the characters…

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own ER, or the characters…

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just an idea that popped into my head this afternoon…The first section of this chapter is from Abby's POV, and the second section is from Luka's POV.I will post a second chapter dealing with Luka's dreams if I get positive feedback on this chapter.So, please r/r, I thrive on feedback!!

NIGHT TERRORS:ABBY

Sometimes I'm afraid to go to sleep.I lay awake for as long as possible, clasped in the safety of sleeplessness and Luka's embrace.I am so tired, but I know that once I fall asleep, the dreams may come.

They are always the same.I am running, running, running – from or to what, I never know.Until I reach a huge, open field.And there she is, Maggie, standing in front of me holding a knife.She is laughing her manic laugh, and suddenly I can't run anymore.I look down and there, at her feet, lies Eric in a pool of blood.So red…And I know that I didn't run fast enough, that I am too late.

Then I wake, sweaty and panicky and crying silently.It is only at night, in my sleep, that I cry.I press myself closer against Luka's sleeping body and he always grabs one of my hands.The first time he did that I thought he was awake, but this has happened so many times now that I know he is even comforting me while he sleeps.

If it has been really bad and I've cried out in my sleep, he wakes up too.He turns and holds me against his chest and strokes my hair like he would do if I were a little girl.Touching him – my protector, my comforter – my heart finally slows down and I fall into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

Lately, though, I've been having a different dream.Or nightmare, whatever you want to call it.I am standing in a room full of children.They are all identical, and when I look closer I see that they are all miniature Lukas.In my dream, I know that they are the children that Luka and I may someday have, the children that Luka surely wants.But something is wrong.Half of these little boys are yelling and crying angrily, and the other half are laughing hysterically.I am running around, desperately trying to comfort the sad ones and quiet the others.I keep looking for Luka to help me, and he appears.But he doesn't try to help.He yells at me instead, something about making our children bipolar.I am crying in my dream, and then suddenly the children start shriveling up.They all are laying on the floor in fetal positions, and Luka is yelling again, this time telling me that I killed our children.

As with the other dream, I wake up crying.Since this dream is a new one for me, more often than not I find that my crying has woken Luka.He tries to comfort me, but something in me won't let me be held by him.I know the message of this dream: I am not fit to be a mother.I am not fit to be with Luka, even.He is so good to me.I put him through so much and I can hardly believe that he stays with me.He says he loves me, but I know that I don't deserve his love.So, as much as I long to cling to Luka, after this dream I cannot.

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I watch Abby sleep next to me, her hair plastered to her sweaty brow.Tonight was a bad night for her – she had the new nightmare again.She thinks I don't know the difference between her dreams, but I do.She told me about the one with her mother and brother, but she hasn't told me that she's started having a different one.I know, though.I know that I must play a part in this new dream, because when she wakes up she won't let me hold her.That scares me.What kind of nightmare must it be?She thinks that I have no clue, but I've guessed a bit from the garbled phrases she cries out just before she wakes up.

_"They can't be sick!"_

"I killed them…" 

I am afraid that I am partly to blame for this dream because I have been talking about someday having children again.I know that Abby is afraid that any children she will have could be bipolar.I also know about her abortion and her reasons for it.As I watch her sleep, I hate myself for the role I have played in her nighttime anguish.All I can do is wait until she falls asleep and then hold her in my arms, vowing never to hurt her again with my selfish wishes.


	2. Luka

DISCLAIMER: I think I've finally gotten over the denial and realized that I don't own anyone here…not even Luka…*cries*

DISCLAIMER: I think I've finally gotten over the denial and realized that I don't own anyone here…not even Luka…*cries*

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here it is, the second chapter.The first section is from Luka's POV, and the second section is from Abby's POV.Thank you all for the kind reviews; keep them coming!

NIGHT TERRORS: LUKA

I wake, gasping for air, to Abby's soft touch.I feel guilty about waking her up because I know she doesn't sleep too well normally, but sometimes I can't help crying out in my sleep.I had the dream again.The nightmare.It has become a familiar thing to me, however unwelcome.

It always begins differently, and always for a time I am hopeful that it will end differently, too.Sometimes I see Marco and Jasna playing together on the living room floor, Danijela and myself watching from the couch.Other times our family is walking through the park – before the shooting starts, when all the trees are still standing and there are no bullet holes in the buildings.

But then, as swiftly as the wonderful memories begin, everything changes.My sense of peace is exchanged for pure panic, and I find myself running down the street, pulled by the sight of smoke coming from the direction of our building.I reach our demolished apartment and am drawn in like a madman.Running up stairs that are miraculously still in place, I pass some neighbors but cannot stop.The names of my family are on my lips even before I reach our door.

The next scenes in my dream are always the same: seeing Marco dead on the floor, doing CPR on Jasna to no avail, sacrificing Danijela for the sake of my daughter…The grief and guilt threaten to overtake me as I sob feverishly.

It is then that I always wake up.No resolution, just regret.And she is always there, Abby, comforting me, holding me.Sometimes I wonder why she stays with me.I am sure that I cry out the names of my children and my dead wife during the night.She doesn't deserve that.She deserves someone who can give all of himself to her, who can sleep through the night without calling out another woman's name.

But still, she stays.And I wake up from another dream with her arms around me.I am filled with such gratitude and love for this woman beside me, who struggles with demons in her dreams as I do but still gives of herself to comfort me.Again, I am struck by the thought that she deserves better.But for now, I let her arms encircle my body as I slowly fall back to sleep.

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I watch Luka sleep, the traces of tears still on his face.It always shakes me up to see him – my strength, my comfort – crying.I know that he feels guilty about saying his wife's name while I am here beside him, and actually the first time he did it I was hurt.But I have learned that he, too, has nightmares – horrors I can only imagine.I know that he is not crying "Danijela" to spite me or to push me away.Memories can be wonderful, and they can be terrible.I am glad that he loved his wife so much.And so, all I can do is hold him and hope that I can give him some measure of comfort.Like he does for me.


End file.
